Trembling at the Word of God, Part 1

(PS Written after re-reading the post below. This is very strong, but very necessary, and sent with so much love and concern.)

Time for some quotes from a most wonderful book (thank you, Brother!) called Gospel Fear--Developing a Tender Heart that Trembles at the Word of God. First of all, I love the title! The title is from Isaiah 66:1,2, which says, "Thus saith the LORD, The heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool: where is the house that ye build unto me? and where is the place of my rest? For all those things hath mine hand made, and all those things have been, saith the LORD: but to this man will I look, even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit, and trembleth at my word."

So much can be said on this. God chooses to dwell in the highest place, heaven, and in the lowliest heart. (I got that from the book.) The requirements for the dwelling of God are very rare in this day of pride, self-esteem, and our "rights."

(Excuse me while I chase a rabbit.) Not to mention that today there are no "sins," just "issues." Sins today are called "diseases," as if people accidentally, not wilfully, "catch" them! Would God send someone to hell for having brain cancer? No. But, what today is called the disease of "alcoholism" is called *drunkenness* in the Bible, and there it tells us in I Corinthians 6:9, 10: "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God." Christ didn't come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance. I'm SO thankful I qualify! Then I can receive MERCY, GRACE, FORGIVENESS, CLEANSING. Totally undeserved.

Here's a long, but very necessary, quote:

"Holy men tremble when they hear the Word, as we read in Jeremiah 23:9: 'My heart within me is broken because of the prophets, all my bones shake. I am like a drunken man, and like a man whom wine hath overcome because of the Lord and because of the words of His holiness.' The saints tremble, as did Habakkuk 3:16: 'When I heard my belly trembled, and my lips quivered at the voice.' Yea, the very angels in heaven attend with reverence to the Word of the Lord. Psalm 103:20: 'They do God's commandments, hearkening to the voice of His Word,' that is, with reverence and respect to God's Word; and as soon as they hear God's Word, they immediately obey it. What are you doing all this while? When God speaks, the pillars of the earth and of heaven tremble. The saints of God tremble, the holy prophets tremble. The very angels hear God's Word with reverence, and you? All this while you stand before God's Word without a trembling heart? Then let me speak but these two or three things to you."

"First, know that the Lord cannot but with judgment look upon such an object as this. The Lord looks from heaven upon him who trembles at His Word with acceptance, but it is impossible that the Lord should look upon such a hard heart as yours is without destestation. 'What a poor, vile wretch! The least word of My mouth would have sent him down to the bottomless pit, and yet, when I speak, he regards it not.'"

"Oh, it is impossible that the Lord should look upon you without destruction, and especially if you are full of base fears. If your master speaks, or a man in a high place or office speaks, you are ready to fear them; but when the infinite, eternal, dreadful God speaks, you do not fear. Know that the Word that you do not fear is working your destruction, and know that God will work fear out of your heart and you shall tremble one day. Isaiah 51:17: 'Awake, awake, stand up, O Jerusalem, which hast drunk at the hand of the Lord the cup of His fury; thou hast drunk the dregs of the cup of trembling, and wrung them out.' There is a time that God has for sinners who will not tremble at His Word, to cause them to drink the dregs of the cup of trembling. Oh, the dregs of it may be your portion."

"And, further, when God shall force trembling, it may be that God will as little regard you in your fears as you regard Him in His Word. Proverbs 1:26 is most dreadful: 'I will laugh at your calamity, I will mock when your fear cometh.'"

"...Surely it must be to the honor of the great God that, when He speaks, all the people should tremble. The voice of the Lord is full of majesty; the voice of the Lord is gracious; and, therefore, it becomes us all to tremble before Him. Let us lay upon our heart the meditation of how much there is in the Word, and consider the majesty of God that is there."

I realize that this is EXTREMELY strong language, but there are many whom I love that continue on with their lives of sin, living as if there is no God. And God has been VERY good to them: He has let their hearts continue to beat regularly, given them loved ones, excellent health, food, and shelter, and even given them those who pray and weep for their souls. And yet they have no regard for God.

Who is the greatest sinner? The one who commits the greatest sin! And what is the greatest commandment? To love the Lord with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind. And those who live as beasts, who eat the food that God provides for them without acknowledgement and thanks, as dogs eat, will one day face that God that they refuse to have in their thoughts. And I am very burdened and concerned and grieved for them! Hence this post.

If you, my reader, know this great God and belong to Him and honor Him with our life, glory to God! Seek to cultivate a heart that trembles at His Word, that is tender towards the Spirit of God convicting you of sin. Repent quickly. Keep short accounts. Love the Lord with all you are and have. God is debtor to no man. He alone is worthy of our allegiance!

If you, my reader, don't know God, and in the quote above it is you of which he is speaking, (and this includes the majority of my children), please, please repent. Come to the Saviour while He is gracious, because there will come a time when it will be TOO LATE.

I love you, my readers. "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."

Precious Encouragement

When Jonathan Edwards died, his wife wrote this to their daughter:

"What shall I say? A holy and good God has covered us with a dark cloud. O that we may kiss the rod, and lay our hands on our mouths! The Lord has done it. He has made me adore his goodness, that we had him so long. But my God lives; and he has myheart. O what a legacy my husband, and your father, has left us! We are all given to God; and there I am, and love to be."

I have often thought of my precious husband's death, and what my reaction to it would be, especially when he was so sick with sleep apnea. I hope to have a testimony to the sustaining grace of God, as Sarah Edwards had. Dear sister!

The Newest Ledbetter

Introducing "Dash" Ledbetter, named by yours truly. Isn't he neat? He's an Italian greyhound, and he's beautiful. Great dog, as dogs go. The kids went crazy! He's 6 months old here, and won't get too much bigger. And Grace is feeling somewhat better, which is a blessing. My poor baby had a kidney stone, and she was one miserable girl. We think she had a touch of the flu, also. Thanks to the Ledbetters for their fine hospitality, and for time to further bond with my great son-in-love. He's one of the two best!

PS You should see Dash's parka, complete with hood and fur. One styling pup.

In His favor is life.

That's from our weekly memory verses--isn't that a wonderful statement?!

"Sing unto the Lord, O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness. For his anger endureth but a moment, in his favor is life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." --Psalm 30:4, 5.

We have some dear friends, a 94 year-old widow and her daughter, who still memorize scripture, and practice something like 45 verses before they go to bed each night! She is sharp! And they love the Lord--they are such a joy! And they're hospitable. Precious.

We memorize phone numbers, account numbers, words to popular songs--so we CAN memorize if we want to (with very few exceptions). May I encourage you to memorize scripture? And meditate on it and apply it. How we all need this!

Tomorrow is the Lord's Supper. How much I am learning about this special blessed time! I'm finishing up an excellent biography on Jonathan Edwards, and his church just kicked him out over this very issue. Amazing! It is SO important!

I'm off to play with my printer, to see if I can figure out why it's eating my paper. I hope to get the bulletin done for tomorrow--there wasn't one last week, which made me sad.

THIRTEEN more days of football. 'Nuf said.

I'm trying to perfect Risses cashew butter cups. They need some work. I need them to solidify more. But hey, they're tasty. Cashew butter is delicioso!

What's new with you?

Love to all!

Great Resource!

Like the new look? Go to the box at the top left and find a new background for your blog for free. And there's not a bunch of raunchy ads on it. Enjoy!

Happy Monday!

And how was YOUR Lord's Day? Mine was superb. To hear Sunday's sermons, especially Sunday night's on the woman who was forgiven much, click here: http://www.sermonaudio.com/aashepard. Get ready for a blessing!

A few little snips of news:

I paid $2.89 for gas in Brownwood on Friday! How sweet was that! Gas went down FORTY CENTS in one day in Winters. Amazing!

My living room is currently decorated with an extra sofa standing on its arm right when you open the front door. Thankfully it's getting a new home SOON, I hope! It's a real conversation starter.

I made homemade egg rolls for the coaches (6) and their families on Thursday, all by myself. Almost 50 of them. And on time. That was fun, and they got rave reviews. The guys are great, and they're good to Greg, for which I am thankful.

Listening to "Beulah Land" by Squire Parson. Been a long time. Memories! O Patrick, where art thou?

My sweet neighbor wants me to share scripture with her, so I'm going over this morning. I want to tell her about Brother Audey's sermon last night, but I might have to bring tissues. Forgiven. What a CLEAN word. I so want to show my love to my Savior by my works and my life. He is SO worthy!

Guess what, brethren? It's Columbus Day (sorry, Prediger)! An interesting question to ask is: Where would we live today if Columbus hadn't discovered America? That cracks me up!

AB's coming by on Thursday, headed to Abilene. And I might just tag along. She's a dear, fun sister!

And I tried on her pointy, pointy shoes yesterday, and they fit, and she gave them to me because they don't fit her right. I don't see myself as a pointy-shoed type of girl (raise your hand and shout Amen, someone!). We'll see. I've surprised myself a lot lately. If you would've told me even 6 months ago that I'd be a vegetarian, I would've laughed you to scorn. Here I am, 6 months later, a raw foodie. I skipped a whole phase. (But I'm NOT a vegetarian, sorry. Meat is just so tasty. I have it on occasion at others' homes.) (Obviously not 100% raw. Raw chicken is disgusting.)

The preaching has been outstanding. I am so thankful for such a pastor as God has sent us. (Maybe this'll get a comment out of him. "Blood out of a turnip" comes to mind.) I've just resigned myself to the fact that my life will be meddled into (in the bestest , most profitable kind of way) as long as we're there. SOMEBODY's not going to let me stay in my comfortable little spot, content where I am spiritually. He's so good for me, and for our church. I thank God for our prediger.

And his wife is such a joy! You know what they did, much to my embarrassment? They brought me a FRAPPUCCINO to church, and gave it to me right before the evening service. So I brought it in, which got me quite the wide-mouthed stare from JB (who was wondering where HIS was). I tried not to schluck it loudly during the preaching, but my pastor told me I could bring it inside and drink it during the meeting. And I am submissive, if anything. Awkward, but delicious. Thanks, CS!

And cool weather is coming! I LOVE FALL AND WINTER! I would say "I live for it," but that's not quite accurate. But I do love fall and winter. I even moved to a town called "Winters." Greg told me the band's theme is "Winter Wonderland," and they play it before each game. (Shows how many games I go to! Shameful for a coach's wife, eh.)

Notice how smoothly I segue from one subject to another? Like occasional boulders on the highway of life.

Good day, all! Off to wash my hair, check the mail, and see my neighbor. Love y'all!

Leave a comment and spread the love around.

PS Those Cozarts are awesome photographers. I am so proud of them. A Blanket girl, you know....

National Punctuation Day

Last month sometime was National Punctuation Day. I loved this! And here's my favorite quote from the web site, written about commas and periods being outside quotation marks (because there are geeks like me out in this world):

"Commas and periods are too little to go outside."

Sweet.

Wrapping It Up

Greetings! If you need a good convicting read, head to http://www.bought-with-a-price.blogspot.com. Sarah's got a great post there.

So, "Goodbye"?

I'm steeling my heart, purposing to be tough and not cry in front of him. After more hemming-and-hawing, he says, I think I love you. Wow. That was the LAST thing I expected to hear. I was floored. My mouth must've hung open. All I said was, Oh? Now, remember what I wrote about the next man who told me he loved me? I just closed my mouth and looked at him. Then he said, You WILL marry me, won't you? (I get tears in my eyes still as I type this!) That was all I needed to hear! And wow, did we cry! We just talked and talked, and knelt down and dedicated our lives to God together, and then I HAD to leave! I was amazed, dumbfounded, thrilled, honored, blessed. I did not deserve such a man. And God heard my requests, and heeded my tuggings on his robe!

The next day we went to our pastor and told him we wanted to get married. Now. He said, First you need counseling. He said, One month. We said, Two weeks. So it was about two weeks later that we got married.

And there was a battle within me, believe it or not. One the one hand, I loved this man. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, have his babies, serve him all my days. On the other hand, it had been me and the Lord for a year and a half; I was SO happy in my God--HE led me, HE taught me, I submitted wholly to HIM! And now I was going to marry a SINNER (like me!), and have HIM lead me (and what a lead THAT has been!) and teach me and I had to submit to HIM?

I KNEW that my relationship to God would change (it HAD to!), but I wasn't sure I wanted to lose what I had with my Lord. Plus I'd never seen it done right. I would rather be single my whole life than go through a divorce. Greg and I decided right away we would never use that "d" word! (And he did, once. A very sad time, but God got us through it.) So strong was this conflict that on the way up the aisle, I told the Lord, If I'm making a mistake (and believe me, I had fervently prayed about it!), I will turn around and walk out right now. I was terrified, yet so in love with this wonderful man. Plus I hadn't learned about the sovereignty of God at this time, so the whole submission thing was REALLY scary to me! Remember The Boss marries The Baby? Whee.

It was a wonderful wedding, my friends threw together so much out of their own homes and pockets to make it possible, and I was so thankful for everything.

I LOVE being married, I love being married to GREGORY, my best, truest friend in this world. I have been sad, mad, mostly glad, but NEVER bored! Marriage has taught me so much about Greg, God, and myself. Especially myself. Scary. But "God leads His dear children along," and so he did the Risses. He saves, keeps, defends, provides. And I thank Him for providing me such a blessing in my husband. I truly don't deserve him. But that's what GRACE is about, isn't it?

How weird!

PS The colors of my blog are almost the colors of Grace's bedroom! Fascinating....

Some More "Continued"

Hi there! Let's carry on, shall we? To catch up: Went to McKinney with Sarah and the children, saw Grace's new home--wowie! Five bedrooms, 2.5 baths, 2 story, 3000 square feet, right across the street from the school, on the corner. Sweet. AND it's brand spanking new. We stayed up from 9 PM to 3:45 AM painting Grace's bedroom. It looks SO nice--dark plum on one wall, and dark gray for the rest of the room. Who knew that was a beautiful combination?! AND I got to go to my favorite store in the world, *KEA. Got a dining room table that is the coolest, lamps, end tables, a kitchen cart, and some kitchen utensils. (You KNEW I'd get my apartment in here somehow, didn't you? You know who you are. And you are right.)

Back to Gregorio y Viviana.

[And I just noticed: Not only is IAN in VivIAN, but so is ANA (Anna)! How fun is that!]

(Am I easily distracted!)

So, it's almost time to go back to "bible" college. I'm getting sad, but making my peace with it. Greg and I were spending all our waking moments together, and loving every moment. But Greg never said anything, and certainly not the "L" word. So I'm sure not going to. On one of our outings, just the two of us, he decided to just pick a street and pass out tracts and witness to the folks. There was one house where the man was outside watering his lawn alone. Greg starts talking to him, and he tells us that he is married and committing adultery, and he does care what God thinks about it. I'm listening to Greg PLEAD with this man to trust Christ, and I'm thinking, God, I LOVE this man! I love his heart, his care for people, his zeal for God.

Since I had started spending time with Greg, I had a great tug-of-war going with God. One moment it would be like I was tugging on God's robe, saying, But, Father, LOOK at him! He would be PERFECT for me!, and the next moment saying, Just you and me, Lord. I don't need anyone but you, and I want to do your will and go where you want me to go. It was a fun time!

So, at this point, I knew I loved this man, but didn't know what God was going to do. So I kept praying and trusting (and playing tug-of-war).

[An "aside:" I don't believe people "fall in love." I don't believe in "I couldn't help it." Loving someone is a choice, and it is totally under your control who you choose to set your affections upon. And who you choose NOT to set your affections upon. You CAN help it, and, furthermore, God expects you to help it. The idea that the world has that you fell in love with someone whom it was sinful for you to "fall in love" with, and you couldn't help it, and here you are, and what could you do, after all? is a bunch of romantic, worldly, ungodly nonsense which removes all responsibility for your affections. "SET your affections on things above, not on things on the earth." The end.]

(So how do I REALLY feel about that?)

Greg asks me to pick him up after work (he had loaned me his truck, dear man), and we go take a ride to Nautilus Gym on the other side of town. This confuses me, as Greg is getting out of the Air Force on August 29th and going to school with me. (Does that date look familiar? hehe.) When I ask him what's going on, he says he feels he would be going to college with me BECAUSE of me, so he decided not to go. (What does THAT mean?) WELL. That leaves him staying here, and me going to Florida shortly. I experienced at that moment what our pastor at that time called "death of a vision." So much for me and Greg. So, while Greg's at the gym applying, I'm making my peace with God about it all, toughening up to say goodbye and it's been real and all that. Because it looks like it's not going to happen, and that's fine, because I have a God who will "never leave me nor forsake me," and HE loves me!

Ok. We continue to spend time together, though I'm backing off emotionally, as I don't want to get hurt. Plus there are LOTS of single godly girls at church, so forget it.

Now it's almost time for me to go back to Florida, and I start making plans to work with my junior high bible study, get a ride back, etc. And Greg starts acting weird, aloof. I figure it's getting time to say goodbye, so I prepare my heart. I keep asking him what's wrong, and the answer remains the same: nothing. Yeah, right.

After a few days of this, I'm ready to get this over with and move on, so I tell him we need to talk, and I invite myself to his apartment (which I had never done before, because I don't do alone with someone of the opposite s*x, and I figure nothing dramatically dangerous is going to happen). So I persist: what's wrong? I'm steeling myself for "Goodbye; it's been real."

Continued, hopefully soon.

[A funny story in here. This is the kind of man Greg was: We had dinner together with another physical training instructor (co-worker) and his wife. Greg wanted to cook. Now THIS is worth observing, wouldn't you be thinking? I sure was! We're having baked chicken, so Greg gets two whole chickens and slaps them on a cookie sheet. Neat! I know NOTHING about cooking (trust me!), but I DO think that maybe you should put something on the chickens before you slam them into the oven? I suggest butter. So he gets a stick of butter and SHOVES it INTO the chicken! If it would've still had its head on, it would've turned cross-eyed! I was hysterical! I very kindly said, while wiping the tears from my eyes, I think the butter goes on the OUTSIDE of the bird. So he took the stick of butter in his palm, squeezed, and out squoze the butter from between his fingers. And that's what he put on the chickens, and they were delicious. Go figure. I thought to myself, I think I would never be BORED with this man. And was THAT an understatement!]

You would think...

...that all I write about is my apartment! Not so fast, buddy.

"...beloved of God, called to be saints." That's from the first chapter of Romans, and it stopped me in my tracks. How amazing are those two phrases! The first one: We could park it there for eternity and never exhaust it! That God would even think on me, yet alone call ME beloved! I will never get over it! HERE is security; here is safety; here is better-than-self-esteem! I am SAFE. I belong to GOD. And all glory goes to Him, where it belongs. And is God content to "just" save me, or does He have more in mind for me? Oh, yes, there is MUCH more! Saints! He gives me a new heart, new desires, and a longing to know more about, and be more like, His precious Son, the Lord Jesus. "...to glorify God, and enjoy Him forever" is the chief end of Man. What a wondrous salvation! Thank you, my Lord and my God!

Help!

I needed a place to put the water cooler, amongst other things. Martha to the rescue, for less than half price! God is so kind that way....

Continued

(One day when Greg was teaching in Blanket, a foster kid was following him walking to the football field. Near the Ag building was a tire jack. The kid asked what it was, and Greg told him. And his reply was, "You know EVERYTHING about mechanics!" We have adopted that phrase, with variations, which is why, when I tell people Greg was installing an air conditioner when I met him, I tell them, "Yep, he knows EVERYTHING about electricity!")

So there was this handsome GI, knowing everything about electricity! Blissful sigh. Being the quiet, reticent, sweet Christian girl that I was, I waited for someone to introduce us. NOT. (I used to be [believe it or not!] VERY loud (surely there have been SOME changes in 34.5 years of sanctification!). So I went up and introduced myself and asked him about himself. 23. (I was 19.)Married? Nope. Ever been married? Nope. Kids? Nope. Debt? (Just kidding! That was for LATER.) I even asked him what was wrong with him that he wasn't married yet! He said, I think, that he had a close call. Air Force. Staff Sergeant. Physical training instructor. (At that point, I should've fallen over in hysterics, because this sweet Christian girl {that would be me} almost flunked PE because she wouldn't dress out for softball in the heat of San Antonio!) So here is Mr. All-Tri-State in football, lettered in every sport except hockey (sorry, CH), captain of many. We had SO much in common....

Our pastor, ever the joker (remember he was a youth minister once), saw us talking and said, "Hey, Greg--this is Vivian. She's been DYING to meet you!" (This is knowing I'd never seen him before.) Haha. Good old Lee.

In spite of that intro, we hit it off. Time to backtrack to "bible college." The center of life there was *soulwi**ing" (NOT the Lord Jesus Christ, sadly), and, in the semester I was there, I only witnessed to my junior high bible study kids. The surrounding adults intimidated the fool out of me--most (outside the school) were Je^^ish, as in the people whose condos I got paid to clean. So I was, by our church's standards, sadly lacking when I came home, and feeling pretty guilty about it. And here was GREG! Talk about ON FIRE! He was crazy! He would take a load of kids from church to witness to the GIs on base, and managed to never get kicked off it for doing it. He would take kids to Hemisfair downtown, which is where the poor bald, "rich" GIs went when they had liberty. I was so amazed at this--such boldness! Our pastor had taught him well in a semester, eh.

And here is the providence of God--backtracking to "eternity past." I used to go roller skating at Lackland every free moment--it was my passion. And hey--eat your heart out!--I can skate backwards! And sideways! (I KNEW you'd be impressed, but what does that have to do with "eternity past"?) One of the men who worked at the skating rink, Ray, was like a dad to me (remember my dad had left with his girlfriend when I was 16), and we used to have lots of good talks. He was a professing Christian, though he never told me. (So what constitutes "a good talk"?) I just loved the guy for listening to me. It was a good friendship--he was married and had kids my age, I believe, and he adjusted my skates well. Anyway, unbeknownst to me, Ray was also a physical training instructor, and it was HE who invited Greg to church while I was gone to "bible college." (Isn't that AWESOME?!) Thanks, Ray, wherever you are. (And he never even went to church there!) (And I should know--I was a "charter member": "It won't get you into heaven, but it will get you a front seat when you get there!"). God is fascinating!

Now fast forward from eternity past to soulwi**ing. Shy girl that I was (enough!), I asked him if I could go with him sometime (with others). So he would take a group of us, pick a street, and go door-to-door (I long for such boldness now!).

Is it needless to say that I was impressed with this young man? And he wasn't even in debt; in fact, he paid off my school bill before anything developed between us ($450, and you can believe I was thankful!). And he would let me use his truck (a shortbed Chevy with a longbed camper--go, Greg!) and walk to work. I was broker than beans--I had only my clothes and my bible. Seriously. And a job as church secretary that paid almost nothing.

So what are this man's plans? He wants to go to the same school I went to! I received this with the biggest inward groan and sigh--wait till he hits those halls full of squeaky-voiced girls quoting scriptures--there goes our friendship.... So, I helped him fill out his college application (this was "foreshadowing"; I would do almost all paperwork involved in our lives from here on out!). He got accepted (surprise). So he was going to give me a ride to college (which I needed), and oh, well....

We continued our friendship, heavily into the scriptures. I wouldn't go to his apartment (he had a roommate) alone with him, so we would ride around (before gas was $4 a gallon!) and talk about the Lord and the scriptures. Lots of questions, lots of challenges, lots of fascinating talks. We stayed up crazy late, and sometimes he would reluctantly leave, park in front of my friends' house, and pray that God would wake him up in time to go home and shower and change and go to work. (Ah, youth!) And we talked on the phone until our ears were soggy when we weren't together (blessedly, not long-distance!). It was a sweet, rich time in our lives.

12:28 AM. "Uncle" for now. Mas tomorrow, perhaps. Keep those comments rolling in (even if I have to make them!). Hugs to all!

PS "TMI" yet?

See It Before Greg Does!

New furniture! How fun is that! AND, cheapie that I am, I got FREE DELIVERY to Winters from Bwd! God is kind that way.... I wanted to surprise Greg, so he hasn't even seen it yet. He will in 20 minutes, though....

Time to get out of the country look for me, and I can finally get some furniture. Headed to IKEA (and Grace, but not in that order!) next week. I'm looking for something to put the water dispenser on, so ignore it. Revised pics will be posted next week.

How fun! Continued post coming up shortly! Love to all.

Part Negative 1--Gregorio y Viviana

Well, folks, here it is by popular request. So, to my four faithful readers, here goes....

"Part Negative 1" because I have to give you some background.

The Lord saved me at age 18. I was brought up in a home that did NOT put the "fun" in "dysfunctional." I never saw anything done right, as I've said before, let alone marriage. All I had for my teachers was what I found to read (being a voracious reader--still am), which pretty much consisted of "True Story" and "True Romance," and other such junk. If you don't know what those are, I'm so happy for you! Pure trash. So much so, that when my dad got together with his girlfriend when I was 16, he asked me what he should do, and I, FOOL that I was, said, "If you love her, go with her." How sorry is that! Forget about 19 years of marriage and 3 children and the vows you made before God. Sigh.

I was the only daughter, with two younger brothers. I was The Boss. Now put that together (getting ahead of myself here) with The Baby, with two older sisters who spoiled him and got him everything he needed, and the fireworks start. Imagine. But I digress....

After starting my "romantic life" at age 12 (which I DO NOT recommend!), I had lots of boyfriends, with relationships I started and finished. Got a lot of those in by age 18 when God saved me, and He saved me out of my worst relationship, which "was the best of times, and it was the worst of times." God was so merciful to me to release me from my bondage of sin!

So, now that I was a Christian and single, I was ready for God to send me single to Africa as a missionary for the rest of my life. I knew I was forgiven, but felt I was not worthy of a Christian husband, with my past. So it was just me and the Lord Jesus for a year and a half.

The Lord was SO good and kind and tender to me during this time (as He always is, but especially so then). I was basking in knowing God, being forgiven (bliss! a clean slate), and having a new heart that loved God and wanted to serve Him with everything I had. It was such a precious time. I would have been perfectly content to live like that the rest of my life, even go to Africa, if He would go with me. GOD taught ME, GOD led ME, GOD loved ME! I couldn't get enough of Him.

The Lord sent me a necessary friend in the form of a male, and we had a great time challenging each other from the scriptures. I learned a lot from him, and I thank God for him. God used this friend to protect me and encourage me and ease my loneliness after leaving such an intense ungodly relationship. I had a crush on him for a while, but that passed. (There's a hilarious story in there, too!) He told me that one day God would send me a husband, and that he would pale in comparison. I had great difficulty believing this, as he was a pretty wonderful man.

Our pastor was a former youth minister, and we had a VERY young church, with maybe 2 married couples, and those were older. LOTS of teens! It was quite a neat time in my life, and I decided to go to *bible college* (called *"bridal college"* by some), as our pastor had. At this time I was still very rebellious towards rules and regulations. Then I read, "rebellion is as the sin of *witchcraft," and stubbornness as iniquity and idolatry." Many sighs....

A moment for Part Negative 2. There were some Christians in my high school, but I hate to say that they were extremely unpopular. They were what we would today call "the nerds." (What DO they call them today?) Remember this is in the days of MINI skirts and bell-bottom, hip-hugger pants. And the Christian girls dressed VERY modestly, in long dresses and skirts (just like I wear today!), and the guys wore high-water pants, which were SO uncool! And they passed out *Chick* tracts in the lunchroom, which I thought were hilarious. My friends and I, I'm ashamed to say, were their persecution. Double sigh.

Back to Part Negative 1. So I go to this "bible college" in Florida in January. Talk about not fitting in! I was like the "bull in the china shop." Many of the girls had high-pitched voices and talked so "plastic-ly," quoting verses in a way that, to me, was so fake. (An aside: Grace, I so sound like you there, don't I?) And here comes Miss-Bass-Voice-Viv. And a few of the Christians from my school were there, and, the first time they saw me, they looked as shocked as I imagine the Christians did when they saw Saul in the Christians' meetings! (Anyway, someday I'll blog about THAT adventure. I was a disgrace to the place, I think.) I tried a relationship there, but it didn't work out, thankfully. That's another funny (as in "ha-ha") story....

I had a great time in this "bible college," which I put in quotes because it was hyper-Arminian, with such a false gospel it was horrendous! I stayed out until 1 AM, when curfew was at 9:30 or so, "fellowshipping at IHOP," which was NOT an acceptable excuse! I snuck out all the time to the married couples' dorms to watch "Creature Feature,"the monster movie, on Friday nights. What a dodo.

So, there I was, involved in a junior-high bible study with two guys and having a ball. (Did I mention our "bible college" was the old *Hollywood "Beach" *Hotel in Florida? Between the bay and the ocean--what an incredible place! LUXURY!) I was SO not-dependent on anyone but God! I didn't need anyone. I had my summer set up. I was going to stay in Florida, work with the bible study kids, and have a blast serving the Lord.

Now here comes May, end of semester. My former roommate (another pitiful story) tells me they've got a carful headed back to San Antonio, with room for ONE MORE. Do I want to go home? NO. She asked me so many times, and my answer was always the same.

Until the day before they left. I got so incredibly homesick I felt I was going to DIE (not an exaggeration!) if I didn't go "home." (WHAT home?) I confirmed my spot in the car, called my married friend and asked if I could spend the summer with her and her husband and two little children, and I was set.

Back to Part Negative 2. Heard lots of sermons on dating and marriage (none on courtship), so I had my "list" ready! "Saved, *soulwinner,* no previous marriage or children, no debt, taller than me (let's be reasonable, eh), and HANDSOME, so our kids would have a fighting chance, and blue eyes (ok, so Greg's eyes are technically green, but they do look blue when he wears certain colors...)." I had gone steady with an Italian, a Mexican, a Puerto Rican, and a black guy, amongst many others, so I was pretty open that way, as long as he was saved. I had also purposed not to start any relationship again (let him start it), and not to be the first to say "I love you." Also, I purposed that the next man who told me "I love you" would have to have the next words be, "Will you marry me?" or I was going to walk away. (Wasn't I sensible? Pretty pitiful, eh.)

Back to Part Negative 1.Went back to church as soon as I got there; I was going to be our pastor's secretary for the summer. And the first meeting I attend back home, there is this amazingly handsome man, a GI from Lackland named Greg, putting in an air conditioner.

Coming up--Part 1. Continued....

PS If this is TMI, please let me know, and I'll abbreviate it. For those who think it is: We got together, we got married, and here we are, 33 years, 7 children, 13 grandchildren later. That's the short story.

PPS Love to my four faithful readers! You're the BEST!

The Papa

Here we are in all our glory! Orlando was short and sweet. It was good to see my papa, and good to be home! Thanks, Paul, for joining me in that adventure!

One-Third of a Century Together!

Wowzers! Thirty-three years of marriage! I'm loving him more than ever. Can't imagine it better!

I never saw it done right. I barely knew one married couple at church. They were dear, but I don't remember ever going to their home. That's as close as I had come to seeing a Christian marriage. My folks were divorced when I was 16, and we did NOT put the FUN in dysFUNctional!

Anybody want to hear the story of our meeting and courtship? (Hey, maybe THAT will get a comment or two!) Let me know. Love to my 4 fans!

"Settled"?

Finally! A day at home. Bliss! Rain. God's provision. Sermons to muse and meditation upon. God is so good!

Yesterday was an outstanding Lord's Day. Super Sunday School by dear Jason, and I got to hear him say "Keilah" again. Isn't that a great name for a girl? I love it! (Key-eye-lah.) Then there's another in the series on the Excellency of Christ, on Lazarus dying. Please go listen to it at http://sermonaudio.com/aashepard. Entitled: Faith's Romance: Jesus Wept. I highly recommend it. And the evening message was on training your children. I am blessed. AND we got to spend the afternoon with dear brethren. Greg even cooked for everyone.

ALMOST completely unpacked. I brought the remnants from the other apartment, so those still have to be put away.

Our Dan is back in Texas for a while! I MISS my red-headed snippet! It will be good to see him and Paul (who I also miss!). Wish Miss Kalee could come along for the ride....

Yesterday was Little Sarah's birthday (Happy 5th Birthday, Princess!) and tomorrow is her mommy's TWENTY-SIXTH! birthday! Wowzers! (That's our BABY!) We are the parents of OLD PEOPLE! (So what does that make US? GAK!)

I'll give you a moment to catch your breath from the excitement this post has caused you.

Off to make some curtains for the living room. I am on a sewing kick. Go figure....

Love to all. Leave a comment and spread the love. Thank you, Faithful Four!

Praying for a safe trip for the Michael Risses! They're leaving tonight. Love you!

What's happening in YOUR neck of the woods?

How do you spell PAMPER?

THIS is a foot massage, followed by a back massage! I asked them if they wanted to be adopted by me. I have to talk to their parents about this!

Ian wants me to quote him: I love you, Emmie!

Sarah wants me to quote her: I love Emmie!

What a great life.

PS Sarah added: I love Pee Wee!

Al Fin

(aka: FINALLY!)

Almost finished unpacking! Yahooey! More later, but I am loving this place. I just miss my ceiling fans....

Love to all who helped us so much with this move, and you know who you are! Pics soon. Sarah's moving next week (copycat!), and I'm headed over there to help. Tomorrow I finish up the Bwd. apartment and turn in keys, then get tires and see Grannybear with Sarah and the kiddlings. Then I'm spending the night and meeting Grace and Dean in Strawn to pick up our 3 baby grands! Got them until Tuesday--let the games begin! (Speaking of the Olympics....)

More later! My back HURTS! And I love the NEW Hamiltons! God is good.